Listen up, world. Getting a cold this week might’ve been the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’m not sure. Either way, I have a lot to say, so let’s get this party started.

Okay, quick update, I have a terrible cold. IN SUMMER. GAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And before you ask, it’s…

An artist adrift…

Good afternoon and welcome to today’s edition of “I’m scared and confused and lost!” I’m writing this because there’s a lot going on in my head and I would like the little gremlins who operate my brain to pls GET A GRIP. God! …

What to do when literally no one is paying attention to you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be anonymous on the internet. To clarify, I am not talking about the type of anonymity that encourages trolls. …

Gremlins everywhere are talking about it…

Jack wakes up in the morning like he’s Cinderella. Windows wide open, playing Vivaldi on a record player*, glass footwear. You get it. Evil stepmother… rackety step sisters… a ball. You get it? …

https://www.fanpop.com/clubs/picks/picks/results/57600/deep-thoughts-find-half-eaten-twinkie-laying-on-ground

Sara’s apartment is a writer’s dream. It’s all ceramic mugs, exposed brick wall, mismatched chairs, sweeping views of the city, and a 7-foot-tall bookcase painted “retro mint” filled entirely with Terry Pratchet’s life work.

I have been using my time here to watch the Real Housewives of New York. I…

Greetings folx. It’s been a while since I shared my nonsense opinions on the internet.*

*anyone who follows me on twitter knows that this is a blatant lie.

WITH further ado (plot twist), here are my updates about Life in Chillinois:

Believe it or not, my workday starts at 5:00…

“This guy I used to date thinks I have multiple personality disorder…But he’s nice about it. The other day he said to me ‘I’m so happy you can be yourselves with me,’ and I was like ‘me’s too.’”

This is the opening line I used in one of my most…

Wooooo! Look at you! Having a girlfriend and what not. How great. How good for you! I’m so glad you’re in a relationship. So glad. I’m single, and I like to tell people that I’m single by choice. But no one’s really single by choice. Being single might be a…

Product Review: Triscuits

I sit here in my office on a long and lonesome Tuesday night consuming Pickle-flavored Triscuits because I am here and they are also here and one thing led to another and now I am eating pickle-flavored Triscuits.

Let me be clear. I do not like pickles…

Welcome to today’s edition of rampant procrastination and self-sabotage. The weather is a balmy light-sweater degrees out, as it always is, without fail, here in the Chillicon Valley™.

How is lovely Slim Reaper™ doing on this fine Thursday afternoon? Well, to be honest, last quarter I got gum stuck in…

Hannah Zahn

Lice Free Since ‘03!

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