As a generation we have collectively evolved away from our primal inclinations towards dating. Congrats! We have been unsuccessful, however, in our goal to eliminate feelings altogether. (sad face emoticon) Nonetheless, the following steps make up a foolproof plan to get over that ex-bae-slash-guy-you-were-talking-to-but-not-dating-because-no-one-dates-anymore that dumped your sorry ass.
- The first step is to delete your significant other from all forms of social media. Even Facebook, which no one checks or cares about anymore. It’s important for your ex to notice that he has lost one of his 12,371 friends.
- Now that you have stopped following your ex on social media you must start following them in real life.
- disregard step #2
- After waiting an appropriate amount of time (1–2 minutes) re-add your ex on all social media. This will show them.
- Repeat steps #1 and #4 until you hate yourself
- Venmo request them for your pain and suffering.
7. Make them a farmer’s only account attached to their real email and including a real picture of them, so that you’re ex knows that you’ve moved on and you want them to too.
8. Everyone knows that texting an ex first is bad, but there is literally no protocol for LinkedIN messaging, so have at it! (appropriate opener: “hey lol”)
9. Re-read the first nine words from step #8
10. Completely disregard the first nine words from step #8 if you are under the influence of alcohol
11. the end
Disclaimer: some content ~may or may not be based off true events~